Copyright 2011 Larry Johnson
Willy’s Brother Wally
THE RITZY OR THE REFINED?
(Who’s Side Are You On?)
While Willy recovers from his dreams, an opportune moment arises to introduce his brother Wally.
Way out west there’s a bustling town by the name of Kickacanalong. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. The town was run in theory by the local sheriff but in practice by a smooth operator known as the Cappuccino Kid, or ‘Cap’ to his friends. The Kid was surrounded by an entourage of ladies that the town had nicknamed the ‘Mocha Girls’ and they were led by Annie ‘Sugar’ Fourspoons. It is in this environment that Wally resides.
It was a blazing hot summer’s day when the Kid strolled into the local café for his daily coffee hit; following behind of course were the usual hangers on including the Mocha Girls. The Kid sauntered up to the counter,
“What’ll it be today Cap” asked the proprietor.
“Just the usual, Cappuccino with a dash of caramel for my friends and me” replied the Kid.
Once the beverages had been ordered The Kid swaggered over to the table in the corner with his usual air of authority and took his place – Annie Fourspoons commanding the seat next to him; leaving the remainder of the Mocha Girls to negotiate their own arrangements.
Shortly, the proprietor delivered to The Kid’s table the cappuccinos as ordered and he at once retrieved from his top pocket a gold-plated spoon with which to stir his coffee. He would use this spoon and no other for his cappuccinos; it was a present from Annie Fourspoons who seemed to have some hold over him romantically. Proceedings were then abruptly interrupted by one of the townsfolk bolting through the door with the cry,
“Everyone take cover, Billy Teacup has just ridden into town”.
Now I assume everyone knows the history of Billy Teacup, but for the two or three who don’t I’ll briefly offer an outline. Billy Teacup, or ‘The Cup’ to his friends, was formerly the ‘big cheese’ of Kickacanalong until the arrival of the Cappuccino Kid, who with his shallow, milky personality had won most of the town over to his side. After a time Billy was forced to retreat to the town of Muckitallup, some miles south west of Kickacanalong. Billy, or ‘The Cup’, was a more refined gentleman than the Cappuccino Kid. For example he would only drink tea, his favourite (and some say his only) beverage of choice, from bone china cups. With Billy what you saw was what you got; nothing hidden below any ‘sweet froth’.
After some minutes of stunned silence, which seemed to linger for an age, the café doors flung open with not a small modicum of force and in strode Billy Teacup and his collection of supporters. These included the loyal and much refined Pekoe Princesses led by Wanda ‘Pekoe’ Onecup. Billy’s trademark bone china tea strainer was swinging from his neck, some may say carelessly given what he was walking in to; however it was a gift from his mother and he wore it proudly, so what can you say?
“You!”, called out Billy.
“You referring to me!”, shouted The Kid.
“Yeh -you. I’ve come to take my town back” replied Billy.
“Over my last Cappuccino”, taunted The Kid.
“I’ll make that possible for sure”, Billy responded determinedly.
Then it all began, Billy marched to The Kid’s table, grabbed his gold plated spoon, and proceeded to bend it to a U-shape. At this Annie jumped up and tore Billy’s tea strainer from the chain around his neck and wacked him over the head with it. The Pekoe Princesses, enraged – and I must say not so refined, then launched themselves at Annie with the unsurprising consequence of the Mocha Girls engaging themselves in the battle. It was a shambles. Every other patron ducking for cover as tea and coffee accessories were hurled like missiles to and fro across the café. At one juncture the cry was distinctly heard, “…please…no….not the bone china cups…..use the ceramic!” At that point tears began streaming down Billy Teacup’s eyes. It was he no doubt from whom the cry came as fragments of bone china were sprayed into the atmosphere.
Well, at the first opportunity Wally, who had stopped at the café that morning for refreshment, scarpered from the vicinity, not wanting to be injured by shrapnel or hot tea and coffee. He left Kickacanalong immediately so he didn’t know the outcome for many years, until he happened to encounter a fellow former member of the town.
“Do you know who won the fracas between The Cappuccino Kid and Billy Teacup?”, Wally asked.
“Neither in the end”, his friend replied. “The Sheriff finally plucked up the courage to run them both out of town with the aid of a newcomer”.
“Oh, who was that?”, Wally enquired.
“Mineral Water Wilson!”
